![]() ![]() Instead of being greeted with an angry message or a virus which e-mails porn to their mothers, players would be able to progress several hours into the game somewhat normally. What I haven’t mentioned is that that pirated version was uploaded to torrent sites by the developer itself. Keep in mind this is an indie title, DRM free, and it costs a measly $8. Rather depressingly, after a single day, 93,6% of people playing the game were playing the pirated version. Game Dev Tycoon, as the title suggests, is a simulator in the style of Theme Hospital or Rollercoaster Tycoon which tasks players with developing and selling games. This wrestles the number one spot from chicken guns because it’s the world’s first recorded case of meta-trolling. It’s incredible how many people totally missed that this is quite obviously intentionally coded into the game.īut only your game, you thieving miscreant. Like your gun firing chickens is some kind of a graphical glitch, maybe if you update your video drivers they’ll change back into bullets. It amazes me that people can actually think this is a bug (the common explanation on aforementioned forums). The most hilarious thing you can do is Google this particular bit of anti-piracy trollage, and discover the hundreds of forum posts of confused gamers, wondering why their weapons are firing chickens. This may look badass, but she’s actually just plummeting to her death. Watching walkthroughs, scouring Google, unable to eat or sleep, wondering, how, HOW, HOW THE ACTUAL F$%# DO I DO THIS. I can just imagine the keyboard-snapping, pants-shitting horror of trying that jump for the 20th, 30th time. What happens is that as you’re running to make a big jump, the game slows you down a little bit right at the end – just enough to make the difference between a badass barrel roll to safety and an undignified swallow dive into concrete. Mirror’s Edge, on the other hand, is just believable enough to drive you insane. ![]() You might think something is a little off when the Scorpion King’s flamboyant cousin reams you for the 57th or so time, and it’d certainly cross your mind that a Pirates-Chiefs finals match at Soccer City doesn’t quite fit your idea of the Michael Jackson Experience. Some of these anti-piracy trolling are a little more covert than others. Talk about the punishment not fitting the crime this is like hanging a man for jaywalking. Still, even those sociopathic lunatics didn’t deserve what happened when they switched the game on – non-stop Vuvuzelas. I’m not sure what kind of maniac would want to steal, let alone purchase, a Nintendo DS game called Michael Jackson: The Experience, but let’s just say it’s not the kind of person I’d want looking after my kids. I don’t know what’s harder to believe – that an anti-piracy measure exists for this game, or that someone actually tried to pirate it. ![]() If you wake up tonight to a faint clicking noise, like pincers slowly opening and closing, don’t say I didn’t warn you. You might want to shut down that “Blu-Ray Gossip Girl Complete” torrent I see there in your task pane. You don’t find the scorpion, he finds you. It also only appears if the game pegs you as a filthy, one-legged pirate. The scorpion moves faster than you, hits harder, and is invincible. You may have been convinced that if you could just squeeze off one more rocket before getting swatted into halves like a minor inconvenience, you’d be in with a chance. It may have even turned into a challenge as it happened again. It wasn’t much of a surprise then, to see a hot pink scorpion scuttle out of a narrow alleyway and do non-consensual things to your skull – before you were even halfway through your first cocky remark. It’s like Duke Nukem, except it doesn’t make you want to kill yourself and all of humanity. You’re a large man, with a large collection of large guns, who has to mow down large waves of large monsters while cracking awful one-liners. Serious Sam, despite its title, doesn’t take itself too seriously ( har har). These then are the most hilarious ways game developers have managed to make a pirate’s life miserable. It is the universal language of the web, and despite achieving nothing it’s often the only viable course of action, even for game developers. But this is the internet, and you know what does work on the internet? Trolling. Unfortunately for everyone involved (except the bad people), these DRM measures don’t actually work. Piracy is a bad thing, which has spawned other bad things, like DRM and always-online internet requirements. For one person who buys a game, there’s about a hundred others who won’t. ![]()
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